But I’m Not a Housewife!

Domestic Bliss, Eventually

Valentine’s Day Reflections: Do Something Nice For Your Man

Vintage Images

I just finished a video interview with a good friend of mine who is putting together a mini-documentary about Valetine’s Day and Love and peoples’s thoughts on such things. I had some revelations while talking to her that I feel obligated to share with my readers. 

My husband and I are just not big into Valentine’s Day – And that must be because I’m not big into it! One of the things we decided during the interview was that it is a day which is much more important to women and that many men would be happy to forget it. I had trouble voicing why I don’t care much about it, except that I think it’s too commercial and I don’t like to be told when to give and receive love from my husband.

We also came to the conclusion through our discussion that it is a useful holiday for many people and for some men especially. This is the reason why: Many men (and therefore many couples) have trouble expressing their feelings. No big surprise there, right? But by developing these packaged symbols of love: flowers, candy, hearts, romantic cards, and designating one day a year in which  all  men are expected to use these symbols to show their love, we make it socially acceptable, and doable for them. 

It doesn’t work for my husband and I though, because we are always demonstrating our love for each other. When you regularly do special things for each other and tell each other how important you are to each other, being forced to do it on Valentine’s Day just seems too contrived and artificial.

But this made me think as well, we women give our men a hard time several times a year when we require them to do special things for us, on Valentine’s Day, on our birthdays, on our anniversaries. But what are you doing for your man every day to show you love and appreciate him? It is often easier for us women to express our feelings in words. With that in mind, when was the last time you put your hand on your husbands shoulder, face, or hand and looked into his eyes and said, “I’m so lucky to have you. I really appreciate everything you do for me.”?  I actually learned to do this from my husband. Many of you have experienced this: he comes up behind you and gives you some kind of squeeze, kiss, or hug while you are doing dishes. How many of you have shrugged him away because you have so much to do “right now!”? I’ve learned to stop and enjoy that moment, that is his gift to me, his way to show his appreciation for me. 

I’m also lucky enough to have what many women don’t, a man who can use words to tell me how he feels – sometimes. And sometimes those at-the-sink-after-he-gets-home-from-work-hugs are accompanied by him telling me that he is so grateful that he has me to come home to after a long day at work. It was hearing that a few times that made me realize that I need to tell him that sometimes too. And when I do, it really does make him feel good. He thanks me for telling him that!

Those are the overt ways we tell each other we love each other. Some of our other personal ways follow:

  • I bring his pajamas down stairs for him so he doesn’t have to climb the stairs after a long day at work until he is ready to get into bed.
  • I let him watch what he wants most of the time. I’m usually knitting or doing something else anyway, and really, I don’t want to watch him suffer through some of the girlie stuff I like.
  • I make coffee for him 50-80% of the time. That’s about as much as I’m able to muster, I’m just not that perfect, but I appreciates it when I do.
  • I try to keep him in clean underwear, socks, and work shirts. This is a challenge at times!
  • I don’t nag him to pick his socks of the floor – I just do it – it takes two seconds! (although I do sometimes marvel at the fact that garbage seems to spontaneously collect in places he’s been).
  • I sometimes ask him, “What can I do to help you today?”

Most of all, I always try to think of him and what I can do that will make his day better. He seems to do the same for me too.

What do you like to do for your man to show him you love and appreciate him?


Vintage Valentine Image courtesy of FreeVintageImages.com

Victorian clip art courtesy of Averyl’s Attic


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